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Is Your Relationship With God Sexual?

If you’re a God fearing individual and have a solid relationship with God, it may be time to take your relationship to the next level.

Before you start this sexual journey, it is extremely important that your relationship is strong enough to handle it all. God is very kinky, and being sexual with him can be tiring and even dangerous. God is both male and female, so it’s something like a fuck and get fucked situation. Also, feel free to bring your spouse, because bringing God into your marriage is always a good idea.

Now that you’re ready, make sure you have a condom, because we don’t want another Jesus (for Gods sake).

Girls Selling Nudes Online

So what’s the deal with girls selling nudes online? Why would guys pay money for nudes if they can get millions of porn videos online for free? If you’re wondering why I’m assuming that males buy nudes and not females, it’s because only horny males are fucked enough to even consider buying nudes.

I once matched with a girl on a dating site, and she asked me if I wanted to buy nudes. I told her if she wanted we can swap pics, but she didn’t like that idea.

Honestly, I don’t know if anyone ever bought nudes, but from the fact that girls are still selling them, I would assume people are buying them. I don’t think I have ever met one of these dudes, but my theory is that they are the same people who write reviews online. These people are the losers of society, sitting online for hours writing reviews, and buying nudes. It’s really hard to identify such individuals. They can have regular jobs and partake in regular society, but when they go behind closed doors they become monsters.

Putting It In And Out

Playing the stock market is like having sex. You put it in, take it out, and then you repeat. As it goes higher it feels better, but once you hit the top, it comes crashing down and the joy is gone. They’re both better when on cocaine, and if you don’t pull out eventually, your fucked.

The Genius of Inventing Coca-Cola

You may think that credit goes to inventors of sophisticated technology that changed the world, and I’m not saying you’re wrong. All I’m saying, is that this guy ‘John Pemberton’ was a freaking genius.

In 1886 this dude invented Coca-Cola. The main reason I’m into this guy is his beard, and some other reasons as I will explain. To invent any other beverage, you don’t have to be a genius, just mix some shit together until it tastes good. The crazy thing about coke, is that without having fizz and being cold it tastes like dog shit.

This guy figured out the impossible. He took a shitty drink, added some fizz, put it in the fridge, and wala you got a great drink. I don’t know about you, but this guy is a God to me.

Life Is Like…

“Life is like a penis. It’s soft and smooth, and full of juicy stuff. But then a woman comes and makes it hard.” I heard this quote and I couldn’t stop laughing. When I told it to a female friend of mine, she didn’t find it funny. Realizing that this quote is extremely sexist, and that men have been rude to women for a long time, I decided to bring this baseless hate to an end. Well, obviously I wasn’t actually going do shit about it, but I did write a quote to defend women around the world.

So here is the quote. “Life is like a pussy. It’s soft and smooth, and fully of juicy stuff. But then a dick comes and fucks it up.” After writing this quote, I realized that although it solves the problem with sexism, now we bump into the homophobic problem. So I sat and tried to think of a quote to resolve this problem.

After some time thinking about this issue and not being able to solve it, I came to the conclusion that I’m not the right guy for this job. I guess I don’t have what it takes to solve all the worlds problems. I’m not saying that I’m useless, I did solve the sexism thing, but not every person can solve every problem.